There are Times...

There are times when selfishness can feel so righteous, and when the right thing to do seems like giving up. I guess in a way it is. Giving up pride and accepting people as they are is part of who we should be as disciples of Christ. That's what He did. Still, it is sometimes very difficult to look at logic over emotions. Emotions are so hard to control, especially when one is in a mood not to control them...writing about it makes it better sometimes.

How could I forget?

I have begun what may be a long journey through graduate school, and I have suddenly found myself not being the greatest student ever. I really didn't expect quite so much reading every week. I have found myself only making it through enough of the journal article to answer the question. I can't believe I forgot how time consuming higher education is.

In my undergraduate work, I really did very little beyond studying. I did a few plays here and there, but I spent most of my time in classes, dorm and the library. Now, I work as well. Believe me,. I know I don't have it hard. I'm only working 20 hours a week (typically, although next week I'm getting forty hours and I have a paper due Saturday), and I'm married which adds complications to any individual endeavor(my husband has been wonderful, but I still have to take care of him some), while taking only one graduate course. I'm still amazed at how much I am having to prioritize just to get by...

Well, I really should prioritize myself off this post and go read some of my articles for next week....maybe

My Life as a Librarian

I am surrounded by books. It's a wonderful feeling. Well, I am not surrounded as I type, but at my new job I am. New job... strange concept...I've never quit what one would call a real job before and I don't think it's really hit me yet. I probably won't until the fall when I'm the one in school instead of the one teaching it.

I am a librarian now and I get my first chance to do Storytime by myself tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. Well, it's amazing how little three-year-old care what you're doing or how well you're doing it anyway, as long as you can get them to look at the pictures. It's not quite as tough an audience as high school freshman...

Update

Well, haven't posted in a while, so here goes...

Life is pretty good right now. I can't truly complain...and I think things are going to get even better. I am thinking about switching careers and going back to school for my masters. (Not in that order.) If figure I should get out of teaching before I completely stop caring. If I do stop caring, I won't be an effective teacher.

That's it. Maybe later I'll have something deep.

Just Feel Like...

I just felt like typing I guess. I've been thinking of working on my play, again. It's called "The Stairwell," at least that's the working title. There are only two characters at this point and a very simple set. It's sort of a romantic comedy, but I can't seem to make it go anywhere. I have the characters introduced, but somehow they just aren't meshing. I'm trying to figure out why the girl actually starts talking to the guy. He is just a nervous talker, so his motivation is easy. I am actually fairly proud of his big opening monologue. Maybe I'll share it with the world wide web at some point.

Things to Consider

I think this is going to be a really random post, I've just been feeling the need to create, but I can't think of any stories to write. So mostly I've just been thinking of little things.

At what point is a job really fulfilling? And how fulfilling should it be?I think one minute I'm ready to chuck it all and start over and then a student comes to me with a gift or a thank you or that excited light in the eyes that says "I've finally figured it out!" The last is the best.

And my resolve crumbles...

Also, it is very hard to distinguish sometimes between being nice and being good or "righteous" in the Biblical sense of the term. Sometimes being "nice" is just being cowardly and not facing your brother or sister or yourself with something that is wrong, because it will cause conflict. And conflict is very difficult to deal with. Tough love is one of the hardest kinds for the giver as well as the receiver.
Not that I'm having mental anguish over some specific situation and feel the urge to wax philosophical on my blog, I just know this to be one of the weaknesses of what is sometimes called the phlegmatic personality. My personality. I tend to dislike conflict in most any form. I do think my stint as a high school teacher has considerably helped me to improve that tendency toward discomfiture at the sounds of disruption or protest. This experience will certainly be beneficial when and if I ever become a mother.

That's another consideration altogether. I noticed recently that I am getting closer to the big 3-0. not that the fact is particularly disconcerting, I simply realized I don't have an infinite amount of time any more in which to have children. Don't worry, this has not prompted me to even consider secretly throwing out the contraception, or even to consider having children any sooner. Maybe it's just part of truly becoming an adult through realizing the preciousness of time. People die ro get seriously ill with the diseases that plague our modern society; they may not even have been dear to me, but I am affected because, in a sense, I thought they would live and be healthy forever, or at least as long as I was. Which, of course, was forever.

Time is limited, at least until eternity. Just read Ecclesiates.

Question for the Day

Do you ever feel your life is a sitcom, but somehow all the people surrounding you are living soap operas and you have no idea how you ended up in the same time slot?

Maybe that's just me.